Abiding

A few weeks back I shared my post Crashing... everything around us was crashing! Not just the literal things. It was a hectic time. Honestly, when I think back on the last year, it's all been challenging with some really great times peppered in. I've learned to embrace the challenges. Really, I have. I might still be surprised by them, I may still complain a little about things being difficult. But I have really learned the lesson- the challenges we go through are so temporary and we almost always end up stronger once they are over. Disagreements in friendships, fights in marriage, challenges with the kids, celiac disease, postpartum depression, things breaking, people passing away, losing a baby.... None of that is what I would chose for my life. None of that  is something I ever want to endure again, although I know I will.  Each step has produced strength and wisdom, maybe not a huge increase ! but an increase that matters to me.
A few weeks back I felt like I couldn't understand what God was trying to teach me, or why  I was having these frustrating incidents while already going through other stuff at the same time.Today I feel like I can't understand why God is choosing us, to give us unexpected gifts. Why are these good things, these blessings happening to us right now. Doesn't someone else deserve them more?  Our church is going through a 14 month Expect Great Things campaign. I remember that the pastor was saying something about how we really shouldn't be surprised when God shows up or when God provides for us. We should expect it. I think I can live so inward focused that I forget to expect God to be there.

I am staying out of the Facebook November thankfuls. I understand why people do it. Why not be publicly thankful for the gifts and blessing in our lives? I just feel like mine would be more solemn, or emotional than FB can handle :) Most of my thankfuls are just soo personal and intense for me. I'm kind of an intensely emotional person hehe.
A few days ago I was thinking how thankful I am for my church. Creekside Church. I was thinking I havent really plugged in like I would want.  I haven't built the relationships I would like to have. But God uses Ryan and Ed (the two pastors) as important tools on Sunday mornings. I haven't had my heart shaped as much in any other church. It has nothing really to do with these two men- I really don't know them. Almost every Sunday I feel like I'm sitting in my favorite college class, learning and internalizing. Relistening online to understand it better.  I might even be learning something that  isn't quite the point. God is just really reaching me at this point in my life. I'm learning more and more about who He is- not focusing so much on what I should/should not do. I have met some wise women who really point me in that direction-Who God is and what that means- usually not directly but through their examples or through hearing them speak.
But my point right now is that I am thankful for this church. I thought I was thankful for it despite the lack of relationships I have. I was wrong. There are many kind, wonderful families at our church. I see these people on Sundays and Tuesdays. They really have an impact and I wish I knew them more. But I really believe that I need to take care of my own house, my own kids, my own marriage MORE than I need extra time with friends. That can be what Facebook is for! God gave me these two boys to raise, influence, train. That has to come first. I hope I will eventually stop wrestling with that!

Anyways, I'm starting to fall into tangents. This was supposed to be a quick post now that the kiddos are in bed and I need to move on to cleaning up the kitchen AGAIN. I have so many things bouncing around my head! So many entries I want to write out so I can get the thoughts OUT of my head. However, sick kids and a husband due to come home soon has me a bit too busy for the writing I want to do!