Crashing

Last Sunday, my 5 year old threw a spoon BAM, it hit my husband's very expensive SMART 3D TV that he bought with his Reenlistment Bonus.... Not fixable, and we have no money saved for a new TV. We are trying to save money to be able to get out of the Air Force.
I thought "what kind of mother am I that my kid would do something like this??"  I was sobbing.
My lifegroup leader and mother in law helped me out.  They reminded me our kid's bad choices are not our bad choices. Ryan is his own person. He chose to throw the spoon, I disciplined him for it.  My life group leader gave me a great discipline chart. Throwing is consistency unacceptable in our home, as of Sunday. This chart has helped me AMAZINGLY with consistency over the last week in all areas. When your husband is deployed, and you are juggling many things at once, it's easy to get lazy and "choose your battles".
On Friday, I was leaving with my friend and kids to go to Target. My 2 year old started screaming because there was a bug in the car, he has bad reactions to mosquitoes so he is very scared of them. He was screaming! and everything felt chaotic for a second. As I was reversing out of my driveway, I was trying to roll the window down and let the mosquito out; BAM I backed into my friend's car. Her car was fine, my brand new car has a lovely dent on the trunk and 2 scratches in it. I felt soooo bad that my husband is away and I have now not respected him by not taking care of his two things. Now we have a deductible to pay. He responded with grace;he's mad, but he's understanding.
Today, my 5 year old came into my room first thing in the morning. "We want to throw our hammers like Thor. But the chart says 'no throwing'. Can we go outside and throw?" Wow. great problem solving skills.
I was impressed. I told him to get dressed, he did. I got Connor some pants on. We have a very small fenced in yard. I didn't think ahead or foresee any issues- other than them hitting each other with the hammers. (plastic toy hammers). They already know better.  They went outside to fight the crime of their toy tractors.  It was really cute, watching them from the screen door. Next thing I know CREEEEEEshhhhhhhhh The toy hammer hit the dining room window and shattered it. $$$
I had a mental breakdown. This was NOT their fault in all honesty. I never thought the hammer would hit the window, and I don't think that I would have thought a toy hammer could break the window- I mean BIRDS hit the window and don't break it.
 THREE CRASHES in ONE week...
I feel soo overwhelmed. I joked last night that the two things Garrett has splurged on (the TV and car) have been damaged so "what is God trying to teach Garrett?"
Now I'm thinking "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO LEARN HERE"
I thought I was already learning other things! I'm dealing with my miscarriage and depression from that. I'm working on not yelling at my kids, and being more of an example to them.  I'm working on my insecurity issues.  I'm working on my generosity and viewing things as God's. I'm working on leaning more on God, less on my husband. Oh and I'm adjusting our whole family to a new gluten free diet, and monitoring every calorie Ryan consumes...
My workload is heavy enough right now!
I havent even told my husband about the window yet, I wont talk to him for a couple of more hours.
I feel insecure- I feel people saying "She obviously can't handle this anymore. The deployments. The Kids. Maybe she shouldnt be homeschooling. Maybe she shouldnt have more kids, if she cant even control her own. She needs to get those brats under control ect ect"
I dont agree with any of those things bouncing in my head.  They simply aren't true. My son made a huge mistake when he broke the TV. He knows he did. He had his consequences. It really sucks. But there is nothing else to do. The car, yeah I should have just stopped driving while I dealt with the window. I was distracted. I'm certainly not the first person to be distracted and make a driving mistake. I havent had ANY sort of driving incident even a speeding ticket since before I was married. And my boys were sweet about wanting to play like Thor. Ryan was exercising self control and problem solving skills by asking to go outside- he was exercising MATURITY! which has been a goal of mine for him for over a month. Intentionally working on maturity with my kids. It was a random accident.
But it all really really sucks. I'm sooooo burnt out this weekend. Instead of advice, hindsight, and judgement... I could really use some prayers for grace, patience, and strength.

-I just emailed my Bible Study group leader on Monday evening that the Murphy's Law of deployments is a REAL THING!