Thinking Outloud

I have this image of myself. Connor holding onto my leg, Ryan holding my hand, my arms weighed heavily with bags similar to grocery bags. Trying to balance. As a bag starts to slip I might let go of Ryan, I begin to stumble and push Connor away. As something starts to fall I cry out to God- I've got it I got it! Can you just grab that one for me?

Whether you have children or not, you may still struggle like me with assuming you have mostly got things under control. You might find it shocking when things are spinning out of control.
I am humbly arrogant. I have the idol of dependency-Thanks Mark Driscroll for the Who Do You Think You Are book- I make what others think of me and feel for me the most important area of my life.  I seek affirmation in the wrong places. But how do I direct or extinguish the desires I feel in my heart? I love my God. I don't want to live this way.I want a new desire, a revived passion for Christ and desire to please him... But how? I say "Help me".

Help me: for me implies that I've got it but I need a little help.(remember my self image up there?) "Help me" implies that I'm strong enough for most things, but I need a push or some assistance.
My friend looked up the word humble for a bible study. She got "Submissive readiness".
Am I submissively (in the Word and in prayer) ready for (to hear from You, to obey, to live life and wait on) Your timing instead handling it on my timeline?  I rush things, I jump into things. I'm not slow to speak. If i was connected to the word, perhaps I could wait, I could persevere through the trial, just live life, obey God, one day at a time. Wait.If anything feels like a trial or a struggle I DIVE in. How can I fix this? We MUST discuss and research and figure this out immediately.(says my natural self).

Submissive readiness...
Asking of God for wisdom, strength, ect.
Not assuming God is there for assistance. 

Instead of relying completely (submissively) on his wisdom and strength, ready to receive (readiness).

I saw something else, I cant remember the source at the moment. Instead of saying "I dont have time for.."
Say ".... is not a priority.". VERY CONVICTING. Say it now:
I don't have time to read God's word or spend time with him right now. OR
Being in God's word, spending time with him just isn't a priority to me right now.Talking about revealing idols in our lives!

I wish all it took was identifying the idols and then stop worshipping them. But I'm remembering that it's not my strength that tears down idols, it's the Lord's strength. So I must chose to spend time with him, allow him to work in my heart, allow him access to tear down these idols.

I know many Christian wives who realized that they made their husbands and marriages idols in their lives.
I am one of them. I know that the women that I have discussed this issue of idols with, all had issues come up in our marriages. Our imperfect human husbands let us down. They sin and struggled with issues that caused us to feel betrayed or jealous or insecure.
I learned when God began damaging my idol in my marriage that He felt just like me. When my husband's sin hurt me. I felt betrayed, angry, jealous. When I worship anything but God- my sin-then He feels betrayed, angry, jealous for me. This has helped my perspective.  What priority is more important than spending time with one who created life, who saves your soul, who forgives and had died for you literally!